Friday, 14 December 2012

Voice of Reason #7: Bonkers Baby Names

"Oh hey, my name's Google"

Jumping on a celebrity bandwagon and imitating something big from Hollywood is nothing new; a big name celebrity gets a new haircut and BAM! overnight, everyone is sporting a Beatle Bowl-cut, a Rachael from Friends do or a ridiculous Skrillex side-shave.

Unfortunately for those of us with any sense, the latest celebrity bandwagon that people appear to leaping onto in droves is that of bonkers baby names. Following in the footsteps of A-listers like the Beckham's, Brangelina and the Geldof's, people are racing to give their newborns the wackiest, the kookiest and the most 'original' name in the playground.

Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie's troupe of tots includes
Knox, Maddox and Zahara. 
There's Gwenyth Paltrow and Chris Martin who have little Apple, Sylvester Stallone who has Sage Moonblood and Nicole Kidman and Keith Urban have Sunday Roast. Oh, oops, I mean Sunday Rose. My bad.

Forget traditional or 'boring' names like James, Henry or Jack! Their so stupid and boring it's a wonder they caught on in the first place! Remember everyone, your kids will totally love you forever when christen your them Xenon, Zaniel or Exodus. I mean, I was just telling my best mate's Genesis and Boron the other day, who wouldn't want to meet someone named after a book in the Bible or an element on the periodic table?

Remember, the wackier the better! Don't be afraid to get inventive and experimental. Don't think of it as risky; you never know, you might be something of a pioneer in 20 years time when you can claim to have been the first to call your kid Pepsi, Nutella or Twitter.

The inspiration I got for this little rant came from reading a news story on news.com.au that reported a compiled list of the most unusual baby names to have been registered in 2012, each name having been registered at least twice to show that it isn't some kind of anomaly.

Looking down the list, the names only get more and more bonkers. Things start out pretty tame; things like California (for a girl) and Cobain (for a boy) seem pretty decent, nothing out of the ordinary when you consider names like Brooklyn, Paris or Britney.

Upon closer inspection however, the list reveals some real shockers. I mean, who on earth thought that names like Kix, Rysk, Shimon and Jeevika were a good idea? I'm pretty certain some of those are actually some Klingon characters in the new Star Trek movie.

The same can be said for mad monikers such as Burger, Google, Cello and Mango; seriously, those are not names, they are THINGS. Please people, try and recognise the distinction between the two.

This silliness needs to stop; these poor children have to live with being called something barmy for their entire lives; imagine the sheer amount of mockery poor little Mango and Xenon will endure throughout their long, long school careers.

People need to realise that naming your child Google is not clever, funny or poetic. It's not symbolic, deep or meaningful or trendy, edgy or daring. It's just plain stupid and you both end up looking like a bit of a tit. Give me a Sarah, a Christopher or a David over a Tron , Juju or Thunder any day.

1 comment:

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