Thursday, 10 January 2013

Quotes Corner: Karl Pilkington #1

Karl in An Idiot Abroad

Karl Pilkington. A man with no qualifications, very little education and who is now known the world over as a man who has a head shaped like a f**king orange. As a long time fan of Karl and his hilarious discussions with Ricky Gervais and Stephen Merchant, I've compiled together a quick list of some of the best quotes uttered by the man himself. From XFM, Podcasts and An Idiot Abroad, the trio's rants, running jokes and quirky sense of humour have had me clutching my sides with laughter. Let me know in the comments section below if you have any personal favourites! 

On Pandas
"If it kicks off and I have to thump it in the head and I end up injuring it, again I look like the bad man: "Karl thumps endangered species in the head".  But at the end of the of the day, if it comes at me, I will go at it. I will kick a panda in the bollocks if I have to"

On the Great Wall of China
"It's not the Great Wall. It's an alright wall. It's the Alright Wall of China"

On what he'd do if he knew the world would end tomorrow
"I've always wanted to kick a duck up the arse"

On Winter
"The lake was frozen over, the ducks looked worried. They were just sat there, looking, sort of going, what's going on?"

On Jellyfish
"They are 97% water or something, so how much are they doing? Just give them another 3% and make them water. It's more useful.

On History
Stephen Merchant: "The Ancient Babylonians'..."
Karl: "I'll just stop you there. What's a Babylonian?"

On Australia
"Every creature is bigger and angrier than anywhere else on the world. It can be that spiders and snakes normally hide under rocks, the Earth is one big rock and Australia is at the bottom of it..."

On Global Warming
"If you put an icecube the size of the Empire State Building into your glass on Jack Daniels, it's gonna make it freezing"

On Global Warming
"They keep saying that sea levels are rising an all this. It's nowt to do with the icebergs melting, it's because there's too many fish in it. Get rid of some fish and the water will drop. Simple. Basic Simple Science.

On Pandas
"It's like the panda, they say that's dying out. But what do they do? When you see them they're just sitting in the jungle eating"

On Biology
"Does the brain control you or are you controlling the brain? I don't know if I'm in charge of mine"

On homosexuals
"I'm still none the wiser as to why they do that"

On Neil Armstrong
"Neil Armstrong, that spaceman, he went to the moon but he ain't been back. It can't have been that good"

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