Friday, 13 September 2013

Quotes Corner: Community

Up until now, I've endeavoured to single out one single character from a show and highlight their best quips, quotes and one-liners. However, when a show with an ensemble is as consistently as funny and witty as Community, it's hard to pick out one that always gets the best lines.

So, I present to you my favourite quotes and conversations from the entire cast of Community; Jeff, Britta, Annie, Troy, Abed, Shirley, Pierce and the great supporting characters too. 

If you want to get streets ahead and read all of my other Community-centred posts then click here.


On strippers
Jeff: "She's a stripper. Life sued her and she lost"

On dating
Shirley: "I was going to sign up for a class to make an online dating profile but sailing in the parking lot sounds less pathetic"

On using puns
Jeff: "That's before he started using his name as a pun. It's making me so Changry"

On dogs
Troy: "I want to see if those wiener dogs are born that way, or if they start off normal and then get wiener"

On being mislead
Jeff: "She [Annie] got me here on a very misleading text message."
Annie: "Jeff, technically you are about to be screwed in the biology room because our final project has been destroyed"

On being a professional
Troy: "Something's not right about the game. We just took our a guy who turned out to be a professional paintball assassin"
Dean Pelton: "A professional? That doesn't make any sense. Why would someone who gets paid to do thing be at Greendale?"

On Troy being good at football
Jeff: "It's in your blood!"
Troy: "That's racist!"
Jeff: "Your soul!"
Troy: "That's racist"
Jeff: "Your eyes?"
Troy: "That's gay"
Jeff: "That's homophobic"
Troy: "That's black"
Jeff: "That's racist!"
Troy: "Damn."

On documentaries
Abed: "Our first assignment is a documentary. They're like real movies but with ugly people"

On bears
Jeff: "You know what makes humans different from other animals?"
Troy: "Feet!"
Pierce: "No, c'mon, bears have feet"

On the female body
Troy: "Girls are supposed to dance, that's why God gave them parts that jiggle"

On practising law
Jeff: "Get ready to meet Jeff Winger Esquire, attorney at AWWW SNAP!"

On virginity
Shirley: "Being a virgin in this day and age is something to be proud of [Annie]. You're like a unicorn"

On independence
Britta: "I refused to give Santa a Christmas list because I didn't want to depend on any man for anything"

On drugs awareness shows
Britta: "My school had plenty of shows like this and, I think sitting through them drove me to drugs"
Annie: "You don't count, Britta. You don't respond to anything appropriately"
Britta: "Thank you!"

On being meta
Abed: "I am hoping we can move away from the soapy relationship-y stuff and into bigger, fast paced, self-contained escapades"

On chaos
Abed: "Chaos already dominates enough of our lives. The universe is an endless, raging sea of randomness. Our job isn't to fight it but to weather it together on the raft of life. A raft held together by those few, rare, beautiful things that we know to be predictable"

On subtlety
Troy: "There is a time and a place for subtlety. And that time was before Scary Movie"

On fatherhood
Abed: "Jeff, I think you should play the role of my father"
Jeff: "I don't want to be your father"
Abed: "That's perfect, you already know your lines"

On religion
Jeff: "To me, religion is like Paul Rudd. I see the appeal, and I would never take it away from anyone. But I would also never stand in line for it"

On tacos
Librarian: "What's in the briefcase?"
Troy: "Oh. Tacos. Do you want one?"
Librarian: "No."
Troy: "Great. We really wanted them"
Abed: "Yeah, we're gonna eat them"

On being disliked
Britta: "Knock knock. Who's there? Cancer. Oh, good, come on in. I thought it was Britta!"

On racism
Britta: "I can excuse racism, but I draw the line at animal cruelty"
Shirley: "You can excuse racism?"

On jokes
Shirley: "Oh, they've got a class on how to write jokes!"
Annie: Don't take that. I dropped it after the lesson on set-ups. The professor is so old...."

On panicking
Troy: "You chloroformed the janitor?!"
Annie: "Stop yelling at me! You're the ones who got caught!"
Troy: "You're the one who's yelling!"
Annie: "We're in big trouble, we have to do something!"
Troy: "Oh, I don't know what to do! My whole brain is crying!"

On drinks
Pierce: "Let's get to the movie. I-oh, I'm sorry Shirley. I'll wait if you want to serve beverages."
Shirley: "You gonna be waitin' a long ass time"

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