Wednesday, 23 December 2015

The 2015 Fuzzies Film Awards


You've followed the SAGs and you've pretended to care about the Golden Globes - now, discover the film awards that really matter with the 2015 Fuzzies Film Awards. 

Now into their third year, the Fuzzies have slowly grown from inauspicious beginnings to a worldwide audience of dozens! Who will take home prestigious awards such as Best Actor, Best Director and Best Onscreen Butt? Find out all the winners right here...

Best Actress

Emily Blunt in Sicario - Blunt's powerful intensity propelled this tense war on drugs drama to great heights. Plucked from her regular Albuquerque beat and into the cutthroat world across the border, Blunt's character, Kate Macer, is kept in the dark along with the audience for most of the runtime, with numerous secrets spilling towards the end.

Blunt works really well as the kite caught in a hurricane, but it's the final scene she shares with Benicio del Toro's ominous Alejandro that cements this performance as the best of the year.

Runners-up: Alicia Vikander (The Danish Girl), Rooney Mara (Carol), Jennifer Lawrence (Joy), Daisy Ridley (Star Wars: The Force Awakens)

Best Actor

Matt Damon in The Martian - An outside choice, but I plumped for Damon in this category simply because he made the film so much better than it could've been. Acting against just the sparse Martian landscape for 90% of the runtime (well, the Jordan desert technically), Damon's wry wit and survive-at-all-costs depiction of stranded astronaut Mark Watney took Ridley Scott's The Martian to great heights.

Covering laughs, tears and everything in between, Damon's performance showed immense range - and that's something to make a song and dance about.

Runners-up: Eddie Redmayne (The Danish Girl), Michael B. Jordan (Creed), Tom Hanks (Bridge of Spies), John Cusack (Love and Mercy)

Best Actress in a Supporting Role

Alicia Vikander in Ex Machina - 2015 has been the year of Vikander; the Swedish beauty has been everywhere, from holding her own alongside Oscar winner Eddie Redmayne in The Danish Girl to sexing up the screen in Guy Ritchie's The Man From UNCLE.

However, it's her impeccable performance in Alex Garland's sublime low-budget sci-fi Ex Machina that sees her carve a name for herself as one of the best young actresses working today. Hauntingly quiet and pensive, Vikander's intentionally robotic performance slowly peeled back the layers of her intelligent AI character to show a real unsettling humanity and depth.

Runners-up: Elizabeth Banks (Love and Mercy), Helena Bonham Carter (Suffragette), Kristen Stewart (Clouds of Sils Maria), Tessa Thompson (Creed)

Best Actor in a Supporting Role

Benecio del Toro in Sicario - Another astounding performance that kept me on the edge of my seat this year came from Benecio del Toro in Sicario. Through hushed whispers and tight lips, it always felt like del Toro's elusive assassin Alejandro was keeping something back and never giving us the full story.

Then, in a rapidly unravelling third act, we find out that Alejandro has been driving the mission forward all along, determined to exact revenge on those who wronged him. Del Toro's performance really sells us on this seething intensity bubbling beneath the surface and the pulsating finale is the icing on the cake. You wouldn't want to cross this guy, trust me.

Runners-up: Paul Dano (Love and Mercy), Mark Rylance (Bridge of Spies), Sylvester Stallone (Creed), Harrison Ford (Star Wars: The Force Awakens)

Best Director

George Miller with Mad Max: Fury Road - Kinetic, visceral, aggressive, edgy, dynamic, exciting; I had to buy a bumper thesaurus to write my review for Mad Max: Fury Road back in May, and most of that is due to the superb direction from everyone's favourite Aussie grandpa, George Miller. After spending some time making cute family films about pigs and penguins, Miller returned to the cutthroat world of Mad Max for a rip-roaring fourth entry that is the best in the series to date. Boom, not bad for a septuagenarian.

Runners-up: Ridley Scott (The Martian), Denis Villeneuve (Sicario), Alex Garland (Ex Machina), Steven Spielberg (Bridge of Spies).

Best Soundtrack/Score

John Williams on Star Wars: The Force Awakens - A recent entry onto the list, but John Williams' revived score on the titanic Star Wars comeback is simply brilliant. My personal favourite track has to be Rey's Theme; the best new theme for the best character in the film.

Runners-up: Harry Gregson-Williams (The Martian), Johann Johannsson (Sicario), Junkie XL (Mad Max: Fury Road), Ludwig Goransson (Creed)

Best Cinematography

Roger Deakins on Sicario - If you were to surmise Sicario in three words, I'd propose you start with 'grim', 'tense' and 'macabre'. Much of this is thanks to some masterful cinematography from Roger Deakins, whose night compositions were breathtaking to behold.

Runners-up: John Seale (Mad Max: Fury Road), Edward Lachman (Carol), Danny Cohen (The Danish Girl), Linus Sandgren (Joy)

Best Cinematic Moment

Rey vs. Kylo Ren in Star Wars: The Force Awakens - JJ Abrams punctuated his return to a galaxy far, far away with its fair share of 'punch the air' moments, but none were greater than the final duel between Rey (Daisy Ridley) and Kylo Ren (Adam Driver). When Luke's iconic lightsaber flew across the snowy forest and into the outstretched hand of the young scavenger, I literally couldn't have smiled any wider. And that my friends, is why it's my favourite cinematic moment from 2015.

Runners-up: Indominus Rex vs. T-Rex and Velociraptors (Jurassic World), Church bloodbath (Kingsman: The Secret Service), Cruise takes off (Mission Impossible: Rogue Nation), Thomas and Friends (Ant-Man)

Best Australian Feature

Mad Max: Fury Road - It's been a pretty cracking year for Aussie films has 2015, but the clear winner in this category is undoubtedly Mad Max: Fury Road.

Sure, it wasn't filmed here this time around but it has been earning rave reviews left and right ever since May, and with any luck will stage a late dash for a cheeky Best Picture nomination. Great work from director George Miller, who earns a celebratory slice of pavlova along with this prestigious award.

Runners-up: Holding the Man, Last Cab to Darwin, The Dressmaker, Wyrmwood: Road of the Dead

Best Animated Feature

Inside Out - Not a lot of competition in this field to be honest. I haven't seen Shaun the Sheep and The Peanuts Movie doesn't open here until New Year's Day, but regardless of that Inside Out would've won be a country mile regardless.

Runners-up: The Good Dinosaur, Shaun the Sheep, Home

Worst Actor 

Vin Diesel in The Last Witch Hunter - Diesel mumbles so much in this film, I was starting to wonder whether the movie was directed by Joe Swanberg. But seriously though, Diesel's acting in this film made me think he was operating at half power to save energy or something. It must be something that be picked up at the Kimi Raikkonen school of acting.

Runners-up: Jaime Dornan (Fifty Shades of Grey), Adam Sandler (Pixels), Josh Gad (The Wedding Ringer)

Worst Actress 

Rose Leslie in The Last Witch Hunter - To be fair, Leslie has two major factors working against her here. One, she is woefully miscast and her appearance screams of a studio trying to cash in on her background on Game of Thrones and; two, the script is pretty much garbage and is hamstrung by bad dialogue. But hey, someone had to win this award and it might as well be Diesel's chemistry devoid costar.

Runners-up: Kaley Cuoco-Sweeting (The Wedding Ringer), Michelle Monaghan (Pixels)

Breakout Star of the Year

John Boyega and Daisy Ridley - It's a tie between the two stars of Star Wars: The Force Awakens in this category. The film only hit cinemas last week but, thanks to the power of Star Wars, these two have been on every magazine, late night talk show and bus shelter on the planet in the last few months.

Ridley in particular revealed herself to be the complete package during the breakneck pace of The Force Awakens; charming, funny, talented, intelligent, Ridley she may be known for Star Wars right now, but let's hope she has a long and rewarding career long after the trilogy has wrapped also.

Runners-up: Alicia Vikander (Ex Machina, Testament of Youth, The Danish Girl, The Man from UNLCE, Burnt, Seventh Son), Amy Schumer (Trainwreck, every single article posted on Buzzfeed), Taron Edgarton (Kingsman: The Secret Service, Legend)

Best Ensemble Cast

The Martian - Let me just lay this one out as simply as I can; in what universe does a cast that includes Matt Damon, Jessica Chastain, Chiwetel Ejiofor, Jeff Daniels, Kristen Wiig, Donald Glover, Sean Bean, Kate Mara, Michael Pena and Sebastian Stan not win Best Ensemble Cast of the Year?

The Michael Bay Award for Most Unnecessary Collateral Damage

Fast and Furious 7 - This prestigious accolade, which has been awarded to Man of Steel and Transformers: Age of Extinction in years gone by, is being graciously accepted by the crew behind Fast and Furious 7 this year.

Gone are the days that the series was about actual street racing - no, nowadays F&F is all about unrestrained property destruction, and Dom Toretto's gang don't care which city their cavalier approach to saving the day harms - Los Angeles, Tokyo, Azerbaijan*, Abu Dhabi - you name it, they'll plow through it at 200mph.

*not a city, but shut up

The Award for Most Shameless Product Placement, Sponsored by Bud Light

Spectre - The Bond franchise and shameless product placement go hand in hand, and 2015's Spectre is no different. From cars (Aston Martin, Land Rover, Jaguar, Rolls-Royce), clothes (Tom Ford, Missoni) and phones (Sony, naturally) to alcohol (Belvedere, Bollinger and Heineken) and watches (Omega) it seems as though there isn't a product that MI6's finest won't flog.

The Liara T'Soni Award for Sexiest Alien

Competition in this category wasn't as strong this year (there weren't any sexy green people in The Martian), so I'm going to cheat a little and pick Daisy Ridley as Rey in Star Wars: The Force Awakens. She looks human, but technically is from a galaxy far, far away - so she's an alien, okay?

The Lucius Malfoy Award for Worst Wig

Keegan Michael-Key in Tomorrowland - Dear God, there were some really cracking choices out there this year - Kate Mara's wig in Fantastic Four had a life of its own, whilst Hugh Jackman's purposely stupid lump in Pan was dreadful. However, topping them all, was Keegan Michael-Key's mouldy old mop in Tomorrowland. It looked like a whole colony of spiders had formed one ginormous mass of hair and spent a week slowly inching towards death whilst listening to Bob Marley. Truly horrifying. Sorry Keegan.

The Footloose Award for Most Unnecessary Remake

Poltergeist - Pointless, boring and worst of all, not scary in the slightest.

The Sir Isaac Newton Memorial Award for Utter Disregard for the Laws of Physics

Fast and Furious 7 - Parachuting a car out of a plane? No probs, bruh. Jumping through not one, but two Dubai skyscrapers? Easy-peasy. This is Fast and Furious bitch, physics and logic don't apply son!

The Mark Lewis Award for Creepiest Borderline Sexual Predator and/or Stalker

A new award this one, created to honour Jaime Dornan's especially seedy performance as Christian Grey in Fifty Shades of Grey.

The Attack of the Clones Award for Least Distinguishable Lead Actor 

Jai Courtney from Terminator: Genisys! Or was that Sam Worthington? I don't even know anymore, they all look the same. Are they both  related to Taylor Kitsch?

The Hermione Granger Award for the Most Inappropriate Sexualisation of a Minor

Alexandra Daddario in San Andreas - Anyone who has seen Season 1 of True Detective is familiar with the vision of loveliness that is Alexandra Daddario (if y'know what I mean), so imagine their confusion when she popped up in San Andreas earlier this year, only to find her character is supposed to be 17 (Daddario is a real-life 29) and totally not cool to be ogled at. It certainly didn't help that the film continually lumbered her with tight-fitting singlets too - help, I don't know how to feel!

The Fast and Furious Award for Biggest Guilty Pleasure

Pitch Perfect 2 - Judge me all you want, but I bloomin' loved Pitch Perfect 2. I haven't bought the soundtrack (I swear), but I do regularly throw a "Crushed it" or "Aca-scuse me?" into everyday convos. I just hope these confessions don't diminish my credibility as a movie reviewer/writer.

The Inception Award for Biggest Mindfuck

Terminator: Genisys - Last year I gave this award to Predestination for its expertly crafted time-hopping narrative that also needed a white board and several Red Bulls to unpack. This year, the honour is bestowed upon Alan Taylor's Terminator: Genisys for the same reason, but in totally different circumstances. Genisys' plot is utterly incomprehensible regardless of how many energy drinks you swig; is it a sequel, a reboot or a spinoff? Where do all these Terminators come from anymore? And who keeps sending them through time to kill poor Sarah (Emilia Clarke)?!

This also gets bonus mindfuck points for the crap spelling of genesis; is it genysis or genisys? We may never know.

The Alien 3 Award for Most Misleading Trailer

Tomorrowland - In the trailer for Tomorrowland, Brad Bird promised to transport us to a magical futuristic realm filled with all our hopes and dreams. In the film Tomorrowland, Brad Bird transported us to a frazzled futuristic realm where any whiff of hopes and dreams are quashed, and even then it was haphazardly pressed into the final 20 minutes of the movie. Disappointing to say the least.

The Mister Freeze Award for Worst Movie Villain

Doctor Doom from Fantastic Four - Doctor Doom is an iconic Marvel villain, and many fans were disappointed with how he was portrayed in 2005 and 2007's cheesy Fantastic Four films. But that version simply doesn't come close to the abominable pile of shit that this latest adaptation cooked up - I'm not going to go into detail, but this version of Doom has seemingly spent a year trapped in a barren wasteland where nothing grows or flows, magicked a cape into existence somehow and developed the ability to make people's brains go pop using just his mind. Disastrous doesn't even cover it.

The Last Airbender Award for Biggest Letdown

Fantastic Four - Call me naive, but I was still rooting for this film right until the halfway point when they threw up that 'One Year Later' card. It was shaky, but from thereon out the film plummeted faster than a skydiving sumo wrestler with anvils strapped to his feet. There was no shortage of talent on the roster - Miles Teller, Kate Mara, Michael B. Jordan - but the slapdash execution, generic story and bland visuals make 'Fant4stic' the biggest letdown of 2015 for me.

The Kleenex Award for Biggest Tear Jerker

Inside Out - We're used to Pixar playing with our emotions, but then they go and literally play with our emotions? Pixar, you've overstepped the line - you have any idea how many tears were shed during Inside Out? And they say global warming is causing the oceans to rise.

The Primrose Everdeen Memorial Award for Poorest Excuse for a Hunger Games Film

Insurgent - Congratulations to the Divergent Series! They've now received this prestigious award two years in a row! Insurgent may have been a slight improvement over the first film, but it doesn't change the fact that this franchise is really reaching to capture the same audience as the much better and genuinely affecting post-apocalypse series that just wrapped the other week.

The Crystal Skull Award for Most Unnecessary Sequel

As always, we've got a huge pool to choose from in this category - but I'm going to pick Paul Blart Mall Cop 2. If ever there was a film that didn't require a second chance, it was Paul Blart: Mall Cop, and this dismal excuse for film-making was the evidence.

The Neill Blomkamp Award for Most Wasted Potential 

Pixels - It's not often (read: never) that I leap to defend something that Adam Sandler has a hand in, but if there is one thing Pixels had going for it, it was the bonkers premise that crossed an alien invasion film with retro video games. Plus, Chris Columbus was attached to direct - what could go wrong? Well, a lot apparently as Pixels transformed into one of worst films this year.

Unexpected Same Gender Crush of the Year 

Michael B. Jordan in Creed - There was a point about halfway through Creed where my long-term girlfriend leaned over to me and said, "The actor playing Adonis is really attractive!". As much as I wanted to protest, I had to admit - she was right. That guy is jacked as hell. Phew, is it getting hot in here?

The Award for Best Onscreen Butt, sponsored by Bonds

John Cena in Trainwreck - Before he was a meme that ruined my Facebook scrolling experience, John Cena (and his tight tuche) were steaming up the screen in Judd Apatow's Trainwreck. Take a bow Mr Cena (but maybe put some pants on first, eh?)

The Dick Van Dyke Award for Worst Movie Accent

It's a two-way tie between Joseph Gordon-Levitt in The Walk and Benedict Cumberbatch in Black Mass.

Thanks for reading the 2015 edition of the Fuzzies! I always enjoy writing something tongue-in-cheek to go with the best actor/director waffle which usually rounds off the year. Let me know what you think in the comments section below!

Plus, keep your eyes peeled for my Top 10 Films of 2015 post in the next few weeks! (Bonus points for anyone who can correctly guess the Top 3 in the comments of this post!)

6 comments:

  1. I'm looking forward to watching Sicario, heard great stuff about Del Toro's performance. Matt Damon definitely made The Martian fun; it was a great ensemble movie. Awesome post!

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    1. Thanks! I really loved The Martian and felt the need to show it some love. Sicario is amazing, definitely check it out if you get chance.

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  2. Love these! Sexiest Alien for sure...and the takedown of what Tomorrowland promised is pretty spot on!

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    1. Thanks man! Tomorrowland was certainly a big let down if you ask me.

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  3. Loving the variety of categories! Why do you host these so early, though? Still so much left in this year.

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    1. Thanks Sati! Good question - mainly because it's a prelude to my Top 10 Films of the Year post, and because the majority of Oscar films - The Revenant, Room, Brooklyn, Spotlight, The Big Short - won't arrive until mid January or February anyway. It's more a recap of 2015 than anything else.

      I have been giving it some thought though - maybe next year (or 2017) the Fuzzies will move across to mid-February to coincide more with the traditional awards season vibe.

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